The Numbmandments

  1. You must acknowledge that Connie, Greg Jacob's wife (Greg, a long time, original Numbster, who was seduced by the dark side and followed the "O-mighty dollar" out to the Stanislaus Foothills, rather than stay with Numbness) IS, and has always been, and will always be, the Madonna of Numb.
  2. You further acknowledge that Lisa, the Timinator's wife, is the closest thing to Connie, the Madonna of Numb and true pure sweetness, unless Ron marries Jen, and then it will be a tie.
  3. You shall agree that there are no single shots of Ouzo (Also known as the "Two Drink Minimum" rule. Also known as the "Law of Rabbits").
  4. New members (under 5 years) must share girl friends with all the Numb elders (over 35 years old AND 5 years or more with Numb) ...and especially with the married guys.
  5. You will always tip well at Numb dine-outs, especially if the servers are cute.
  6. If there is confusion about who should pay the bill at a bar, juice bar, or restaurant, then Ed pays (known as the "Ed Pays" rule).
  7. You must acknowledge the song 'Roxanne' (pronounced "Roooooxxxxaaaaaane", as in 48 Hours by Eddie Murphy) as an amusing distraction for Numb, but that we have since moved on.
  8. You will agree that if Jay says, "ha-yar" in a restaurant, you will wear a napkin on your head, in pirate fashion (See "Two Drink Minimum" rule).
  9. You swear to uphold the Numb tradition that the first toast of the evening will be "To Connie!", unless you have just won a softball tournament (The "Numb Toast" rule).
  10. You will defend to the death the tradition that the first toast after winning a tournament will be "To Numb", however, if in a fit of passion and emotion, you may substitute, "To Connie".
  11. You shall be over 30 to play on Numb, unless you are dating a babe that will come to the games,.. or it is a tournament, ..or we are short players,...or we owe you money.
  12. You will subscribe to the fact that the Numb player who makes the last out of a regular season game will purchase, and bring to the next regular season game, enough beer for the entire team.
  13. You agree that if, after a game, Ed gets angry about our poor play or batting, you will lower your head, put your beer down for a moment, look forlornly at the ground, and then invoke the "Two Drink" rule and ignore him.
  14. You acknowledge that Ed, through omnipotent and fiduciary rights, holds all title to the softball team name "Comfortably Numb".
  15. You eternalize the fact that Ed has first right of refusal to be coach of Numb for any season, regardless of any statements or agreements made in previous or off season periods.
  16. You agree to wear the "I'm Sorry" penalty shirt, originally developed for that lout Steve Bechtold, any time the Numb elders determine you have performed a really stupid act that puts the team at a disadvantage.
  17. You will realize that NO lead is safe with Numb, and play accordingly.